theflashyfool | IC inbox @ Golden Peacock

Wha-? [ Yeah, what? No, Shanks doesn't see it. He doesn't measure his life and connections like that. It's not even a matter of insecurity, though at the moment, that pesky little tattoo might be whispering tendrils of it in his mind. ]

[ Instead of even gracing the first part with a proper sentence, he skips to something far more somber and remarks, in a hurt tone: ] Everyone, but not you.

[ Also something Buggy wouldn't normally get thrown at him. Especially, because Shanks would just roll with Buggy's concern, the offer to stay, and note those silently as facts Buggy is contradicting himself. But not tonight. ]

[ He takes a step back, shakes his head, hurt still in his eyes. ] Why should I stay? [ Never mind Shanks is the one that called Buggy, the one that came here crying, sobbed out his fears and insecurities, and now he wants to pull that? Yeah. Shanks might need some serious help in a different way. ]

What? [He's confused. Shanks came to him, and he's not... perfect, no. But he's trying to take care of him. It was easier when they were kids and could just go hide in their room for a bit, rant to each other before they were off to do the next dumbest thing to get punished for.

Those days were easier.

Not it looks like Shanks is angry and throwing barbs at him when-- what? He invited him into his room? Let him cry on his shoulder?]

No, actually. That's not true. I loved you enough that I was willing to give up everything I dreamed about to follow you. [Everything he wanted. As far as that goes -- he's a pirate in East Blue. He's still not exactly living up to those dreams he had, in the weakest seas. But whatever.]

You're the one who asked if you could come over, dumbass! Why are you asking that? I'm trying to help you.

[ Even back then, when they were kids, it wasn't like Shanks never cried, but was rare. Shanks wouldn't just throw barbs, and most small things - like giant rabbits, pools, and lobster whenever he has the money - were more than enough to keep him perpetually happy, then and now. ]

[ He knows something's off, but he can't keep all of the hurt from breaking across his expression as it crumbles to Buggy's words. He scrubs his face with his hand as tears start to fall again. ]

I know, Buggy. I know. I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry! Just--

[Ugh, that look on his face is like a kicked puppy and it's weirding him out. He huffs and reaches a hand back out towards Shanks, trying to rest it on his shoulder if he'll let him.]

Come and sit down, okay? You're kinda freaking me out, Red.

[He tries to keep his tone light, teasing, but honestly.

He's kinda freaked out.]

[ He knew he was going to be an imposition! And he certainly didn't meant to be. ]

[ But no, there's some poor part of Shanks' mind self-aware enough to utterly hate this, but it's like he still can't control anything coming out of his mouth, or his expressions, or...anything. ]

I didn't want to freak you out. [ He at least calms the damn tears to say that. And, at least, he allows himself to be led and takes a seat on the bed. ]

[What coping mechanisms does Buggy have? Besides food and booze and filling up any empty holes with treasure. He certainly doesn't comfort people. He doesn't really let people comfort him in return.

But he sits next to Shanks after a moment and puts an arm around him, lifting his hand to brush through his hair in what he hopes is a comfort. It's usually... soothing to him, at least.]

You're fine.

No. [ Shanks shakes his head again. ] I'm really not.

[ Not that Shanks doesn't drink to cope, but this just isn't really a thing. And now, suddenly, it is. He isn't even sure how to help Buggy comfort him. He misses Mihawk. He misses his crew, but...that shouldn't have caused this mess. ]

[He frowns slightly at that, ducking his head down.]

You're just having a bad day. C'mon, I'm an expert on those. [Look, he's trying to joke! Laugh!]

We'll get back to our crews. We're not gonna be stuck here. C'mon, me and you, and the Rubber Boy? We'll figure something out. Nami's a pretty clever girl too.

[ A bad day for Shanks is waking up hung over from having a fantastic night the night before, and going back to sleep while his crew watches after him, refusing to let anyone near their captain unless they're acceptable. It's comforting, and that's about as close as he gets to a bad day. And this includes when the dumbass "lost" his arm. ]

[ Shanks has no idea what this is. There certainly is no laughter, when, Shanks would have normally not just laughed, but run with Buggy's joke and added to it. ]

[ The mention of going back brings another sob from Shanks as he moves his head into Buggy's shoulder once more. ] But then we'll just go our separate ways once more. I don't know when I'll see you again.

What if I don't want that? [ Normally he would say something encouraging about Luffy and Buggy, and maybe a remark about how fun Nami is, but not tonight. ]

Red--

[He falls quiet, letting Shanks cry into his shoulder again. Mostly because he's not sure what to do with this.

How many times has he cried and raged because he's woken up without this idiot around? How many times has he hated him for changing their plans, for not-- even trying? And he's still not sure how honest any of this is.

He'd have thought it would be satisfying, knowing that Shanks felt his loss. That he regretted losing Buggy, that he'd cry about it and regret it. Somehow it isn't though, not really.]

Well, you can see me whenever you want here, dummy. And I'm-- going to the Grand Line when we get back home. If you care to find me. Heading to Loguetown to resupply once I get my crew back together.

[ It's a twisted situation of it's not exactly true, but it's not false, and it's certainly not being lodged at Buggy purposefully. It's not dishonest, either way. ]

[ Shanks shakes his head, again, but doesn't manage a proper response, just quietly cryies into Buggy's shoulder once more. ]

[ It's just not enough. It's not the same as this. He puts his around Buggy, almost possessively, needy. ]

[Maybe, selfishly, it's nice to feel wanted, to feel missed. Like Shanks maybe did actually need him.

But mostly, he's just not sure what to do beyond wrap his arms around Shanks, letting him cling in ways he hasn't even really seen him do because even if he'd normally be shoving him off or complaining, it's hard to do that when this is-

So unlike him.]

Hey. Yeesh-- [He about added a joke about how Shanks is getting him all wet, but jokes aren't going over so well, huh? So he just tries to coax him up to look at him properly, maybe tip their foreheads together.]

Stop worrying about what happens when we go back. We're here together right now. Let's see how that goes, huh?

[ Just because Shanks never said it, never sought him out, doesn't mean he didn't miss him. ]

[ It's almost worse when Buggy's eyes are looking into his, when Shanks can't hide the tears on his eyelashes, the tears welling up. ]

I'm not worried. I don't want it. [ When does Shanks express his own wants? When isn't he satisfied with what he's given? When doesn't he make the most of things? ] I want this! [ And this - Shanks arm grips Buggy's shoulder. ]

[Something in his chest constricts. Both because he wants to help Shanks-- somehow. There's not all that much joy in seeing him cry, like he's thought about time and again. Just a painful ache and wanting to distance himself, or tell Shanks to stop because nothing he says seems to be helping the situation.

But he can't do that either.

And maybe something equally aches because he's wanted to hear that -- he's wanted Shanks to tell him exactly that since he ran off in the rain. That he wants this, him, whatever. But it never came and he's pretty sure Shanks doesn't actually mean it now.

But it doesn't stop him from tipping his head to kiss Shanks firmly. Mostly because, despite being one gifted with the ability to talk and talk and talk, words seem to be failing him right now and he can't rightly promise Shanks much of anything. They're still working too much out.]

[ It's not as though Shanks went to Buggy so Buggy could help, necessarily. He just wanted to be around him. And Shanks would never have normally done that, at all. If Buggy told him to go, Shanks would have, even then, despite his selfish, unusual actions. ]

[ Shanks doesn't want, or need to talk or work anything out. When Buggy kisses him, that's what he wants, he decides then and there. His hand rises to Buggy's hair, and firmly latches on, pushing Buggy's face to his own. He crushes his lips right in, needy and passionate. ]

[There's a shocked noise when Shanks decides to pull him in for a kiss that's-- a lot more than he meant to give. Eyes snap open wide for a moment as his hands slip down to the other's chest, not quite pushing, not yet anyway. He does try to turn his head despite the hand in it though, huffing out a little bit of a laugh.]

C'mon, Red-- slow down.

[ Shanks feels the rejection a bit stronger than he should. He's pushed back, pulls his hand out of Buggy's hair entirely, and pulls away, confused. His eyes don't quite meet Buggy's anymore. ]

[Dammit-- he's apparently not doing anything right. He reaches out for his hand again, trying to keep him from going too far.]

C'mon-- don't be like that. I said slow down, don't pull away.

[He huffs, looking down.]

... You know, uh. Those words are something I'd have killed to hear.

[ It sure was an oversensitive reaction. ]

[ Shanks lets Buggy take his hand, and at least doesn't pull away anymore, but he doesn't verbally respond, until the Buggy comments on what he said earlier. ]

Why?

... Why?

[He huffs out a laugh.]

Why the hell do you think?

[ At least Shanks finally looks at Buggy again, frowns, and speaks firmly. ]

I don't know why. That's why I'm asking.

[Hrrngh. Do they really have to talk about feelings? Isn't it better to drink and reminisce over old memories.]

Why would I want to hear you say you miss me or want me? You're even dumber than I thought, Red!

[Honestly!]

Because I want that to be true! Because I hate that I can't forget you, but you've gone on and made a life by yourself! And not just any life, but a good one.

[ Wait, what? Buggy sure is confusing. A lot of the time. He's not even drunk. Maybe it's because they're talking about feelings, again. He would rather kiss. ]

That doesn't mean I forgot you. And you have your own crew, as well. Your own life. You did the same.

Hmm.

[He doesn't want to talk about it either, honestly. Because Shanks won't understand it, or can't.]

Just because I have a crew of my own doesn't mean I can't still miss what we could have had, asshole. You can't sit here and cry about me and then act like you don't understand where I'm coming from!

[ Shanks' eyebrows dip to Buggy's words. ]

That's exactly what I said, too, though.

I just didn't know how you felt. [ Now he does, though, and they can't exactly go back. He moves in, a little slower, this time, but aims to press their lips together. He would rather do that. ]

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