theflashyfool | IC inbox @ Golden Peacock

[If Loki were to ever find out that his words caused Buggy to feel jealous, he would actually understand. Not that he thinks there is any real reason for it. As much as Loki likes Shanks, he knows very well that he could never really come in between the two pirates. If anything, he really just wants to get to know Buggy just as well.

It doesn’t hurt that Loki understands Buggy’s position. He spent his whole life living in Thor’s shadow, and everyone enjoys Mobius’ company more than his. Not that he lets that stop him from trying to be charming himself.

The absolute last thing Loki thinks is that Buggy is pathetic, but he also understands completely why he feels that way. Until he won over the TVA, he’d felt the same way pretty much every day of his life. Never good enough, always getting it wrong, always disappointing everyone he even remotely cared about. It is a tough way to live and he sees this in Buggy. And maybe, just maybe, if he’s allowed he’d like to try and do for the pirate the same thing Mobius did for him.]

That does not make it right, for either of you. Or really for this cursed place to cause something like this to happen.

[He doesn’t say more on it because Buggy has to know that that wasn’t really Shanks, right? Well, Loki does acknowledge that knowing and really being able to believe are two different things. He knew that Thor and Frigga loved him, but it was a very long time before he actually believed it.]

The Red Cardinal is perfect. I believe it is turning into one of my preferred spots.

Mine too, actually. I'm free now, if you are?

[They'd have a lot in common, if Buggy let his guard down -- which isn't terribly difficult. He wants to be loved. He wants to be appreciated on his own merits, even if they don't come anywhere near Shanks' positives.

And maybe he wants to get to know Loki too. There's something interesting about the man. There's maybe something of a kindred spirit there.

In any case, even with the circumstances, he can't say he's not looking forward to the drinks.]

I am very much free now. See you there in 10 minutes?

[And if there is one thing that Loki has found out himself recently, it’s that everyone is loveable. After the things he did, all the people he’s hurt, if he deserves love, than surely Buggy does too.

And if how Shanks reacted after their incident is anything to go by, then there is definitely at least one person who already loves him.]

I'll be there, sure.

[And he does keep his word. He'll go to the Red Cardinal -- because awkwardness aside, Buggy does enjoy Loki's company a rather lot. He'd rather keep it than not.

And maybe Shanks is the only person back home that ever loved him for him, but-- there are a lot of complications surrounding that.]

A few minutes later Loki makes his way to the Red Cardinal. He takes his time and actually walks there from his room instead of his usual teleportation. He needs the time to decide how far he might try to push Buggy to open up. If they're as alike as he thinks, it's undoubtedly a bad idea to push too hard. But he does want to get across the notion that if he does wish to speak, or vent, or rail in anger, Loki is willing to listen. Norns knew he wishes he'd had someone to listen to him a few times in the past.

Complicated he expects. No relationship worth its salt isn't complicated. Or at least that's Loki's feeling on the matter, but by the time he reaches the Red Cardinal, grabs a table and orders himself a drink, he decides he won't push too much. It likely wouldn't help anyway.

Buggy slides up the minute he sees Loki, settling himself in next time with his best, most charming smile. He anticipates... awkward talks, sure, but he'll need a drink or two first.

"So, what's your poison tonight?" He starts casually.

As Buggy slides into his seat, Loki can’t help but smirk at him. If he’s correct about anything he’s learned about the clown recently, he’s positive that the smile is a reasonable facsimile of a happy expression, though Loki doesn’t believe it for a moment. He is, after all, the king of such expressions.

“I am glad you could join me. It is nice to see you again. And I believe it is a double scotch on the rocks kind of night for me. How about you?”

"That sounds perfect," Buggy answers easily. While he might be anxious and paranoid over a myriad of things almost constantly, just always the sort of person to stress and spiral-- the booze definitely takes the edge of.

Especially when it's accompanied by someone he's enjoyed being with.

"So-- uh. How have things been treating you around here anyway?" Besides getting pulled into pirate dramatics, apparently.

With that settled, Loki motions for a server and orders their drinks before turning back to Buggy. He doesn’t intend on getting drunk, but he does agree that a few spirits does help take the edge off.

“Well, other than the typical ‘I need to figure out a way out of here’ thing, I have been pretty lucky. Nothing too crazy has happened to me as of yet.” Really, the strangest thing for him so far is how he’s been having a relatively easy time making friends. It took far longer for him to win anyone’s trust at the TVA, though he supposes they all knew his previous reputation. There really is something to say about a clean slate.

"I don't think the getting out of here thing is happening fast enough for anybody." At least not in any predictable way that Buggy can tell from the people he's known up and disappearing.

"I'm glad this place hasn't been messing with you though."

"You are not wrong, and I'm not fully convince anyone properly leaves anyway." It's something he's been discussing here and there with other inhabitants, but he doesn't have any proof yet.

Loki can't help but smile. Sometimes Buggy can seem quite hard so he's a little surprised at the nice thought. He shouldn't be though, the same thing can be said about himself after all. "Thanks. I'm sure it won't last, but I'm going to enjoy it while I can."

He pauses for a moment and then gives Buggy a bit of a serious look. "I'm sorry I can't say the same for you."

"There's something off about the whole place..." He doesn't know what, but the theories he heard? Leave him one edge. He hates thinking about it too deeply.

He nurses his drink idly. Oh-- he can be an asshole, absolutely. But he also doesn't actively wish ill on people he likes, and he likes Loki quite a bit from the times they've met.

The remark has his expression straining though, and he huffs out a forced chuckle. "I'm used to misfortunes following me, and it's not like-- I can blame Red for what happened. It wasn't exactly him."

He can be rational enough to admit that much. But there's a wry twist to his lips. "But if he feels even half of it? Well-- he wouldn't be the first either."

“Yes, I…” he trails off, shaking his head. He’s here to make sure Buggy is okay, not stress him out more with some of the things he’s heard. Likely he’ll tell him sometimes, when he actually has something to tell. He likes Buggy enough to keep him in the loop if he thinks it will help, but this is not the time for that.

Loki quirks a smile at him, but it’s tinged slightly with sadness. He’s made similar excuses about people in his life before himself. Not that he disagrees. He does not believe Shanks would have ever done such a thing if he had been in control of himself, but knowing that rarely helps with how one actually feels about the situation. That is something Loki is very familiar with.

“No, you are right. It was not truly him, and I am certain he feels terrible about the whole ordeal, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be upset. Trust me when I say it is rarely a good thing to suppress those feelings. They will only end up biting you in the ass at the most in opportune times.”

Like getting so angry that your attempt at taking over a planet has been thwarted that you throw someone out a window on a whim. Sad part is, he actually kind of liked Stark.

He arches a brow at the way Loki trails off, wondering if he should prod for more. At least-- gossiping about this place, figuring out whatever mystery there is to be found here, is better than talking about that--

Maybe.

But the topic moves on and he idly stares at his glass. No-- knowing he wasn't in control didn't help. Especially when it's not like... it was at all inaccurate, most of what he said. Whether Shanks actually thinks it or not.

"The things he said... they weren't wrong. Not exactly. He was the golden child growing up and everybody knew it."

If Loki didn’t already think that he and Buggy had a few things in common, he certainly would after that comment. He tries his best to keep it from his face, but Loki is practically boiling over with sympathy. He can’t help it, though he doubts it will help the situation if Buggy notices.

“Ah yes, there is nothing quite like growing up in the shadow of the golden child. I did some truly terrible things as a result myself.” So much of what he did back then, trying to prove himself, all to do with how Odin looked at Thor and not him. “I am sorry if you felt you were overlooked. I do know how that feels.”

"I couldn't blame anyone. Shanks is-- special. He outshines everybody." Even now, he still outshines him. Buggy can't pretend to even be half-way on his level. He tells himself he doesn't care, he doesn't mind, but--

It irks him, more than he wants to admit.

"Anyway, it's in the past now, right?"

It isn’t something Loki can deny. He’s also been caught up in Shanks’ shine. It’s like when he looks at you, there is no one else and that is not something Loki is used to at all. He also knows though that he likes Buggy just as much, just in a bit of a different way. Like he wants or needs different things from them, though that’s hardly something he really knows how to verbalize. Loki might be great at talking, but he’s hardly good at talking about how he truly feels.

What’s more is he understands completely. “He reminds me of my brother in that way. Everyone always loved and cherished him whereas I often felt like the mud left on his boots. I tried for many years to live up to his level, to try and be as good as he is, as loved as he is and I got it all wrong. Only made things worse really. What I didn’t figure out until much later is that it’s a false comparison. Once I stopped being so angry about it and stopped trying so hard to be him instead of just me, I found others that like me for me. It was an incredible and very surprising turn of events.”

Loki has no idea if his words will resonate with Buggy. He knows that when he was in a similar headspace, no words had helped him. How many times had his mother tried to talk to him like this? It had always fallen on deaf ears, so he wouldn't be surprised if the same happened here, but he feels he must try.

“Is it?” It’s an honest question. He wouldn’t blame Buggy for wanting to drop the topic, but it doesn’t mean the isn’t going to try pushing a bit anyway.

Shanks is so good at that. Making people feel as if they're the only ones in the world to him in the moment, sweeping someone up and making them adore him. He deserves it too, Buggy can't even deny it as much as he'd like. He's envious of it, that's all. He wishes he could shine even half as bright.

But maybe Loki understands it in his own way, from the sounds of it. Buggy just-- isn't sure if the same could ever apply to him. Even being out n his own doesn't feel like it, his own crew or not.

The question has him pausing, tipping his head to the side. "... Whether it is, or isn't, I guess I don't particularly know what to do about it anyway. It happened, but we're still both here for the foreseeable future, entwined as always."

That is something they can definitely agree on. Though Loki has attributed Thor’s charisma to Shanks, Loki hasn’t quite experienced it quite the same way. That is only to be expected considering Thor is his brother, blood related or not. Needless to say, it gives Loki a new found respect for Jane with her ability to turn Thor down. He couldn’t imagine doing the same to Shanks.

But Shanks isn’t who he wants to focus on right now.

Loki would disagree with Buggy on that. Everyone can draw attention, it just doesn’t look the same for everyone. Loki finds Buggy rather fascinating. He’s never really met a clown before or a pirate before coming here and he’s definitely never met a pirate clown. It makes him want to know more, it draws his attraction, makes him want to learn everything about him. And believe it or not, it takes quite a lot to draw that much interest from the god.

”If it was up to you. If you had the power to do absolutely anything with this situation, what would you want? Do you want to still be entwined with him? Would you like to change how you are entwined?” Loki doesn’t actually need the answer, though he will listen if it is given. The questions are more an attempt to help Buggy look at things in a different way. He just hopes he hasn’t pushed too hard.

What does he want? That's such a hard question for Buggy to answer on the best of days. He wants a lot. He's a pirate, and greed comes so naturally. But even his greed can be rather... impressive, even for a pirate. And his wants can change at the drop of a hat, with how rapid his emotions tend to run.

But Loki-- he knows that he wants to know him more. He's never met a god, and let alone ever thought one would be interested in him, let alone care enough to ask for a meeting.

"... I just wish I could be his equal for once. That I could be-- as good as him. I wouldn't have wanted to miss knowing him. It's never-- been like that. Being entwined is fine." He shrugs his shoulders.

"I just wish I could shine as bright, sometimes. Then maybe he'd-- see it too. Everybody would see it."

Greed is not something Loki could fault him for, not without being a hypocrite anyway. How could he ever when he spent most of his life trying to take power wherever and however he could. Just because he’s trying to be better now doesn’t erase the evils of his past.

“Why are you so sure you are not his equal?” As someone who spent most of his life trying to live up to the reputation of his brother, Loki has come to understand that different does not always mean unequal. His mother would be so proud.

“From what I have seen, knowing both of you, it is more like you are different sides of a coin. Neither is better nor worse than the other, both with equal but different value. I, for one, could not choose between the two of you.” Not that he thinks he would ever have to. Or at least he hopes nothing like that ever happens. He finds them both interesting and wants to know them both better.

"He's-- stronger than me. He trained under our captain, and our captain-- never saw that potential in me. Everybody knew that Shanks would take his place. That he was..." He pauses, waving his hand.

"Special. From strength to how much everybody has always adored him, effortlessly." Buggy pauses when Loki mentions that. Two sides of the same coin, huh? He gives a smile at that.

"Is that so?" He'll latch on to that. Loki wouldn't choose between them, huh?

"Well, I'm glad I've made that much of an impression."

It’s strange, hearing such thoughts from another person. This is how Loki has felt his entire life growing up with Thor. His stronger, more handsome, nicer brother who never caused any issues. The thing is, that isn’t really the truth. They just caused different trouble. It isn’t like Loki was the one to go off invading other realms simply because he liked fighting and wanted to show off his strength.

Loki did, however, show off his strengths, just in much different ways, ways that his family did not approve of. He’s starting to think that it is the same for Buggy.

“Simply because the people you were with at the time did not see your value does not mean you do not have any. I do understand how this feels though. It is hard when it seems like everyone you know thinks less of you, but I can tell you, it is not true.” He doesn’t know if Buggy will believe him. Norns knew that he hadn’t all the times his mother had tried to tell him the same, but it is worth trying.

“Oh yes, that is very much so.” How could he choose between them? They were both so different and fascinating in their own ways.

“I would say you’ve made quite a big impression actually. It is hard for me not to notice how much we have in common, though I believe many might not see such things on the surface.”

Buggy has always had a tendency to be greedy and emotional, a slave to the whims of his feelings and constantly spinning thoughts. It didn't always-- fit in neatly with his old pirate crew growing up. It didn't help that anything he learned? He had to work hard for, whereas Shanks? All natural talent. All easy to love personality.

Maybe it's pathetic that somewhere deep down, if he were honest, what Buggy really wants is to be loved for who he is, flaws and all. He just doesn't get that from many -- Shanks had been one, he thought. But after the bath? It's hard to forget those words, to not wonder if maybe they hadn't had some grain of truth that the red head believed behind them.

But it's easier to focus on Loki's words right now, to enjoy his company. "I suppose we do, huh? I wouldn't mind... spending more time together. Seeing what else we've got."

Just another thing that they both have in common, really. Loki has always, or at least up until very recently, allowed his anger to rule him. He has spent most of his life feeling rejected, less than and bitter because of it. More recently, he’s found that a lot of that was just his own insecurities. Odin did care for him, in his own way, but he’d had trouble showing it, and honestly, Loki had a hard time accepting it. He’s always, until he met Mobius anyway, felt like an outcast and as a result, spent a lot of his time pushing people away.

And much like Shanks, Thor was always jovial, had lots of friends and everyone just loved him. It has always been hard for Loki to admit, but he was jealous. He still doesn’t understand to this day why Thor always gave him another chance. Always willing to forgive, whether it was deserved or not. He misses his brother terribly.

Loki would argue that there is nothing pathetic about that. Everyone, or at least so he believes, wants to be loved as themselves. He knows for damn sure it’s true for himself. He thinks maybe Mobius loves him like that, even if not necessarily in a romantic way, but Loki can’t be sure. Even his mother and brother, who he’s sure love him he knows would change a few things about him. All this to say, in short, Loki wants the same, but gave up long ago on that actually happening. He does, however, think that maybe Shanks does love Buggy like that, despite what happened.

Buggy’s words bring Loki out of his own inner thoughts and he looks at him, a little surprised. A smile spreads across his face as he nods in response. “Yes, I would very much like that. We should get a drink or something. Any time really.”

He hopes that doesn’t sound too desperate, but in the end doesn’t really care if it does.

IC inbox @ Golden Peacock

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